Summer as a pregnant teacher has meant one major thing to me: it’s time to slip into pajamas (the only comfortable thing these days) and binge watch some Netflix. I know I’m a thousand years behind, but I figured it was time to finally see why all the critics raved about Prison Break.

I expected the show to be epic, and it definitely did not disappoint. But what I didn’t expect was that as I nestled into Season 1, there was a moment in which I couldn’t help but relate to the convicts.

For those of you who haven’t seen Prison Break, here’s what you need to know. (No spoilers here.) The main character’s name is Michael, and his brother is on death row for a murder he claims he didn’t commit. We start the show as Michael begins to enact a plot to break his brother out before his execution. Throughout the first season, as you would expect with prison as the setting, we meet a lot of unsavory/conflicted characters. You start to fall in love with some. Push for others even though they are locked up for a reason. And some–well some you just love to hate. Either way, they are all a bit rough around the edges.

Sounds like your friendly neighborhood pregnant lady, doesn’t it?

Okay, maybe not yet. But you’ll be convinced before you know it.

5 Reasons Pregnant Women are like Convicted Felons

1. Both groups are always looking for the next fight. This was the similarity that got me thinking about the overlap in the first place. I was fuming about who knows what unfairness of life when I decided to clear my head with an episode of Prison Break. It wasn’t until the third or fourth inmate picked a fight with another dude for some dumb reason that I realized I had no room to judge that guy. But hey, I didn’t want to anyway. I totally get raging out over someone stealing your toothpaste. You just gotta protect the things that mean the most to you.

   

2. We aren’t sure what we did deserves this kind of punishment. One lovable inmate stole just enough money to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Aw! If I was on that jury, he totally would have gotten a pass. Instead, years in prison. Does that seem fair? I don’t think so. Neither does dizziness, nausea, exhaustion, food aversions, moodiness, a sentence of 9 months living in the bathroom, forced intake of extreme amounts of vegetables, deprivation of tuna, and multivitamins the size of the sun. All I wanted was a baby. Seemed noble enough at the time…
3. We’ll get the money, don’t worry about that. Just smuggle us the goods. Don’t tell me it’s bad for me. I can’t be saved. I’m of the opinion that pregnant women crave what the baby needs. My baby is always lacking one nutrient: chocolate.
4. We become accustomed to being swollen. If your hand is puffy, you know you either just landed a good punch on the guy who stole your toothpaste, or you’re six months pregnant. Swollen ankles? Stop tripping over the bodies while you’re breaking out of prison! Or…wait it out another month until the baby comes.
5. We are always getting yelled at for something. 

Man, when those human rights activists say “we are all the same,” they aren’t kidding. The similarities between these two seemingly opposite demographics are uncanny. That is why I do not recommend watching crime shows if you are currently pregnant or may become pregnant. Side effects may include unnecessary guilt about totally natural pregnancy behavior. If you do find yourself in this position, I’ve heard there’s a natural essential oil that, when diffused throughout your house using an organic electrical plugin, can cure you of all unpleasant pregnancy symptoms. As for me, I would refer you to the above mentioned cure-all pregnancy breakfast: Kit Kat Lasagna.