According to Emojipedia (Millenials say whaaat?), “There are as many as 1,851 emoji characters supported on current platforms.” It only makes sense that we have all gotten a text at some point that made use of one of the more obscure emojis, and resulted in mass confusion. For example, I recently sent the following text to a group of my friends:

“Today seems like a good day! 🙃”

In the clarity of hindsight, I can totally see why sending a text like that while I’m 39 weeks pregnant might result in a couple of my friends rushing to the hospital and asking what room the baby and I were in. But contrary to popular belief, I was not using that emoji to say, “the baby is head down and we’re ready to do this thing.” All I wanted to know was if that day was suitable for our bi-monthly book club. Seems like a curious looking emoji to me, am I right?

The point is, nobody is right. Even the creators of the emojis do not hold the monopoly on correct interpretations of these overused symbols. What they probably did not foresee, however, was how widespread the chaos would be once they released their entirely image-based keyboard and encouraged us all to run with it.

The following scenarios are adapted from true stories I assume must have happened somewhere in the world at some point:

A daughter sent this emoji to her mother, with no accompanying message: 😱. The mother rushes to the haunted hotel her daughter and her friends were supposedly staying at, proton pack in hand, ready to save the day. She always KNEW ghosts existed. But when she got there, the front desk clerk informed her that their reservation was cancelled last minute. The daughter forgot to tell her mother that she cancelled the spooky girls’ night when the hottest guy in the whole high school asked her out. Good thing her mother called her to follow up, though, because she’s just, like, totally embarrassed herself to death in front of the hottie, and must be rushed home immediately. The mother admits that her forehead would turn blue too if she had been so careless to drop the “L” bomb on a first date.

A boyfriend just sent this text to his girlfriend: 💎. In a fit of rage she broke up with him, protesting that a text message is no place for a proposal. All he meant to say was that she was as precious to him as diamonds. Some of us are more proficient at speaking emoji than others.

Two best friends are no longer speaking after one of them told the other, “You look like a 🐷.” Turns out she thinks 🐷 are cute. But it’s okay, everybody knows it’s better to have a bestie who has their head on straight and knows 🐶 are cuter.

The CEO of a large company in Iceland was removed from his position yesterday. In an attempt to relate to his younger employees, he used this emoticon to compliment their competency in their position: 🤓. Nerdiness is the new black, after all. Unfortunately a few of the more optically challenged employees did not take too kindly to being called four-eyes.

A boyfriend says, “😈” in anticipation that the Devils are going to kick the Wildcats’ butts in the game tonight. The girlfriend takes out a restraining order against her devilish, vengeful boyfriend, and then replies, “👁”. She’s got her eye on him, so he won’t get away with anything. He thinks she has committed to watch the game with him. Who can have a successful date in a world where all our enthusiasm can be summed up in tiny pictures?

This next example may hit close to home for some of you. Let’s face it. Who among us hasn’t mistakenly identified this emoji? 💩

Someone just responded to this post with a 😡. Are you mad at the emoji attack, or are you mad at me for posting an attack on emojis?

🤣 Are you laughing at me? Laughing with me? The paranoia begins…

There are no doubt thousands more emojis marching on the horizon. They will come disguised as communication, as those before them did. It may be too late to mend the broken relationships that have resulted from those already among us, but there is a line of defense for the dark future. The language of generations past is not too far gone. Though lengthier and harder to use, “words” are the swords and shields we must wield against the emojis of tomorrow. If we dedicate ourselves to the learning of this archaic tradition, the battle is not lost forever.