***Spoiler Alert!***
The Bachelorette is widely accepted as one of the most wholesome and intellectually stimulating programs in television. Unfortunately, I spent most of my life ignorantly opposing it, as if I had any better way to spend my time. It wasn’t until medical school, in the depths of my total loneliness, that I stumbled across a clandestine Bachelorette viewing party in the back room of the speakeasy on the corner of 13th Street and Poe.
“You’re one of us now,” they told me. And they were right. Now, after years of loyalty, it occurred to me last night that the Bachelorette has taught me more than how to love again and believe in destiny. It is a direct parallel for our adventure through medical life.
So Many Options
Just as Becca did this season, we started with dozens of specialty options. The suitors all brought something to the table. Some, not unlike Grocery Store Joe (dermatology), stole our hearts from day one. They’re attractive. Promise a lifestyle that will let us buy as much produce as we want. But the stability and charm vanishes as quickly as it appeared because some things must always remain an unattainable dream.
Group Dates
Orientation months, when the students get to dabble in each specialty to see what they like, help students learn a little about everything, just as Becca did with her suitors on group dates. After watching these episodes, I came away convinced that Becca knew almost everything she needed to about each one of the 10+ guys she had competing for her time and affection. For example, which ones looked good covered in cake, and which just couldn’t hack it on the football field? Similarly, after orientation months, I felt confident in my husband’s exhaustive pro/con list for every specialty.
And then there are humanities classes, AKA the greatest months of medical students’ lives. They provide such great insight into the medical dating pool as a whole. What is out there? What issues do we need to flesh out through lengthy conversations with large groups of people who are all excited to be there? Becca had some great, revelatory conversations with a strong group of men, whose variable personalities only served to strengthen the quality of the dates. That is the way of humanities courses, is it not?
Group date style is also a great way for medical spouses to productively make conclusions about how to handle supporting their spouses. Nothing but positive feedback circulates when we congregate together, bound and determined to focus on the proverbial silver linings and lights at the end of our tunnels.
After the Final Ro(se)tation
We’re getting down to the wire. Applications are about to go in, and there is only one rose left to give. Are we sure about the specialty we chose? What if the lifestyle fails us? What if there are secrets about the residency hours or job market that overrun social media right after we make our choice? But as hard as that is, I feel worse for Becca. She was faced with two men, each offering different things, each equally perfect. After spending countless minutes with each of them, learning all there was to know, how could she choose?
Asking the Family
As any logical person would do, we ask our family for help when there is a big decision in the making. Becca did. They gave her advice based on the extensive interrogations they performed on each suitor at lightning speed. But as we must sometimes, she threw that input aside in favor of a man she knew to be her perfect match. Speaking of Match, we completely disregarded our family’s advice as well. They told us to stay far away. They wanted to pay thousands of dollars to visit us in a new, extravagant place. But we insisted that moving closer was what mattered more to us. And what we say goes.
The Woes of Frivolous Partying
Medical school and the Bachelorette are all fun and games until the finish line. We party. We don’t care whose hearts we break, be they psych rotation or Jason Tartick. But then we have to face the music. Someone’s going to cry. Rank lists must go in. Moving trucks must be packed. But as we wave goodbye to our friends through the back window of a car, we hold onto the wise words of our mother, who wisely foretold that they “be fine either way.” #Blake #Awkward
A Tribute
To all of those wise women sitting in the stands cheering for the Bachelorette, crying for Blake, and gossiping about the next Bachelor, I praise you for your strong minds and dignity. Your person is out there. To all the spouses of pre-med undergraduates throwing sandwiches at your MCAT zombie spouses, hold strong. You can do it! But from one Bachelorette-loving medical wife to another, I must ask both crowds: why do you do this to yourselves??
