I started listening to country music when I first heard of Taylor Swift. “Teardrops on My Guitar” really resonated with my teenage heartbreak, and the fact that I was definitely not going to get over my first high school boyfriend. Or my second. Or my third. What if this love was my one and only shot? While I was also still totally content to listen to All American Rejects, my fascination with the six string circus was growing.

I was not raised on country. Back at mama’s, country was frowned upon like last week’s meatloaf. To this day, she shudders when I turn on “that music about sexy tractors and dogs buried in the yard.” So I didn’t get much exposure to country, other than to know that it was probably the worst. It wasn’t until I moved out and married my husband that I became almost exclusively a country music listener, coincidentally at the same time as I was realizing I was absolutely not a fan of 80’s music. (See my post: Total Eclipse of My Life.)

Still, something has been nagging at me. How can I be such a fan of country music if I don’t drink?

In over eight years of listening—aside from the young, innocent albums of Taylor Swift—the only song I’ve understood start to finish is Carrie Underwood’s “Smoke Break.”

She said, I don’t drink
But sometimes I need a stiff drink
Sipping from a high, full glass
Let the world fade away
She said, I don’t smoke
But sometimes I need a long drag
Yeah, I know it might sound bad
But sometimes I need a smoke break

Sing me home, girl. As for everybody else, can somebody please explain what they are talking about?

Rhett and I were driving back from Arizona recently, when the song “Beer Never Broke My Heart” by Luke Combs came on. This is a great song. We turned the radio on, cranked up the dial, and sang our hearts out.

It takes one hand to count the things I can count on
No, there ain’t much, man, that ain’t ever let me down

Longneck ice cold beer never broke my heart
Like diamond rings and football teams have torn this boy apart
Like a neon dream, it just dawned on me, that bars and this guitar
And longneck ice cold beer never broke my heart

But, like, what is he talking about? I’m trying to picture telling someone that a tall table glass of Miss Belle’s sweet tea never broke my heart. I don’t get it. Can you count on a beer? Do they replicate in the fridge, so they are always there for you?

And can someone clarify whether tequila has hallucinogenic properties, or if it just makes someone’s skin so slippery that they can’t keep their clothes on?

Speaking of hallucinogenic properties, does whisky make the world turn pink? Or are rose colored glasses and whisky glasses not the same thing?

If I die young, I don’t want to go to my grave claiming to love something I don’t understand. Most music tries to bring catharsis to its listeners, not confusion. Can a genre do both? This is country music, and they do.

I thought I was finally making headway when I came across the song, “Why We Drink” by Justin Moore. I thought to myself, This is it. This is what I’ve been talking about. But check out these lyrics.

Cause it’s Friday
‘Cause it’s Monday
‘Cause it’s a charcoal burnin’ Sunday
‘Cause we ain’t gonna get to one day
That’s why we drink

‘Cause the sun’s up
‘Cause it’s sundown
‘Cause my wound up needs a little unwound
‘Cause we’ve been workin’ all day but we’re done now
Yeah, that’s why we drink

Met a man wearin’ a t-shirt, says “Virginia is for lovers”
Had a Bible in his left hand and a bottle in the other
He said “all you’re really given is the sunshine and your name”
We both started laughin’ when the sky started to rain

Get along, on down the road
We’ve got a long long way to go
Scared to live, scared to die
We ain’t perfect but we try

Get along while we can
Always give love the upper hand
Paint a wall, learn to dance
Call your mom, buy a boat
Drink a beer, sing a song
Make a friend, can’t we all get along