In our house, we have no germs.
I know what you’re thinking. “How is that possible? You have two kids!” First, I resent the implication that kids are germ-infested creatures. To think they house and spread germs more frequently just because they lick and touch everything and drool and sneeze all over everything, is simply uneducated. They bathe at least twice a week and we wash their hands whenever they beg us to. They are not our biggest hurdle.
No. Our biggest hurdle is my husband, the resident who works at a hospital.
If you were to assume there are a lot of germs at a hospital, now that would be correct. That is why navigating living with Rhett during a pandemic has been our toughest challenge. But we are dedicated to health, so we have found solutions that keep him from bringing germs from the hospital into our home.
Not a single germ.
Our routine is simple and easy to follow. We recommend every family that includes a medical professional follow these procedures.
Step 1: The Shoe Station
Get on Amazon and order 10+ pairs of new shoes for the medical professional. Something comfortable, but not too expensive, since you’ll need so many. From the moment you click “Buy,” you have two days (or maybe more during these trying times) to set up a shoe station. Collect as many bins and you need to house each pair of shoes, one per bin. Place them in the garage or on the front porch, next to the door but NOT INSIDE THE HOUSE. When he or she arrives home, have them take off their shoes and place them in the bin where they belong, upside down to indicate previous usage in the exposed world. The following day, they will put on shoes from the next bin over, and so on and so forth. By the time ten days have gone by, the germs should have sufficiently died off of the first pair, and can be reworn.
If you have one to spare, place a can of Lysol spray next to the shoe station, so they can sanitize them before placing them in the bins. This further minimizes risk of super germs living on to terrorize another day.
Why is all this necessary? Why not just rewear the same pair, as long as they stay in the garage? We worried that this would increase the risk that germs would imbed themselves into his feet and make their way into the house. I’m pretty sure I saw a study on that somewhere.
Step 2: The Scrubs
Often, healthcare professionals wear scrubs home from the hospital, whether they are supposed to or not. A common practice is to change out of the scrubs they were wearing while seeing patients, and into new clean scrubs before they come home. Remember: These scrubs have still been in the hospital. They should be considered radioactive, and should only enter the house in a sealed hazardous waste bag. You can substitute a normal kitchen trash bag, if you want to tempt fate. They should be taken directly to the washing machine and washed ALONE in HOT water in a special blend of bleach, Oxi-Clean, and a dash of Mrs. Meyers natural cleaner. Twice. Do not reuse the trash bag. There’s no use trying to save the planet if your actions are going to kill off the human race.
Step 3: The Body Itself
Once shoeless and stripped down to their underwear, the certainly-infected healthcare professional should hold their breath and sprint to the nearest shower, preferably one no one will be using for the foreseeable future. Whatever shower they pick the first time should be their designated shower for the rest of the pandemic.
There has never been a time when the advice, “lather, rinse, repeat” was more strictly obeyed. The shower should be hot enough to leave a pink hue on the skin, and should last approximately half an hour. Toward the end of the shower, it will become hard to breathe. That is how they will know the soapy steam has adequately flushed their lungs and killed off the germs. They may then exit the shower, put on clean clothes, and resume life as normal.
There really is no need to panic if you’re married to a doctor. The above procedures are easy to follow. I even stick to this regimen whenever I leave the house. It brings me great peace to know that through these simple steps, we can be completely germ free in our home.
Good luck everyone! Stay safe. But try not to think too hard about it. There really is some crazy advice out there.
